If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be middle-aged in 2019 (AKA Gen-X) it’s simple:
1) you have TONS of great advice because you never listened when you were young and fucked everything up real bad. This is called “experience.”
2) no one listens to your great, hard-earned advice, so you learn to stop trying to warn them and instead fire up the camera app on your phone. This is called “Wisdom.”
3) your joints hurt, but not all the time, so it’s always surprise when you wake up in the morning.
4) People older than you are full of shit because they’re closed minded. People younger than you are full of shit because they’re naive. You are the only one who is right in every single argument…
5) …But you’re so exhausted from the first 3 points that all you ever want to do is listen to records and drink coffee, whiskey, or both, because why fucking bother.
6) technology doesn’t scare you with its mere existence like it does boomers, and it doesn’t excite you the way it does millennials or zoomers. It’s nice to have every movie, song, and game you’ve ever wanted, but also annoying because you can clearly remember saving up to buy the discs, cartridges, tapes, cd’s, and hardcovers and so it’s really hard to enjoy it fully, because you feel equal parts guilty and resentful that it all comes so cheaply.
7) You want to be an activist, but have been so thoroughly beaten down by corporations and politicians that you lost whatever focus you had to change the world (We are really, really, REALLY sorry, youth. But we are on your side, and when the time comes, trust us, there will be an army of Doc Marten wearing, Rage Against The Machine singing folks storming the whatever it is we are storming. But we aren’t going first – we have our own crippling debt we have to work every day to pay off and vacation time is super limited. Yes, that’s right: Gen-X is waiting on you to start the revolution, but we will back you. If you think that’s unfair or wonder why, please see the first three points).
8) Fuck you, we won’t do what you tell us… Except pay taxes, sit in traffic to go to work a job (or three) to pay those taxes, buy things to temporarily make us happy to cope with the traffic, the jobs, and the taxes…
9) You know that, just like Kurt Cobain, Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself.