The Utter Crap You Can Expect Me To Post On This Here Blog

I spent a lot of mental power working out how Thurston Howell III From Gilligan’s Island managed to get enough cigars to last him three entire seasons of the show onto the S.S. Minnow, a tiny charter vessel (which by the way should have been called the M.V. Minnow (Motor Vehicle) or M.Y. Minnow (Motor Yacht), because the designation S.S. was used for vessels that ran on steam power (Steam Ship).

I had a blog post in the making about smuggling networks, and how he could have submerged cases of cigars in airtight drums dragged beneath the boat to avoid any detection, and how he might have rigged a ballast to reduce drag. And then, to get an image to accompany my post, I did some Googling for “Thurston Howell III Cigar” and came up with absolutely nothing.

It turns out, all of the 30+ years of memories I’ve got of the show Gillian’s Island had some weird aspect of Thurston Howell III smoking cigars somehow inserted into my brain. Because as far as I can tell, the man never once smoked a single cigar on screen.

This could be yet another brick on the pile of evidence that is mounting that we are all living in a strange divergent timeline that split from Reality Prime (or R¹) somewhere in the mid-80’s.

This theory began, interestingly enough, from people across the internet remembering that the Berenstein Bears were, in fact, called the Bereinstein Bears. I remember them being called the Berenstein Bears. But for some reason, all of the books, tapes and other media containing the Berenstein Bears are titled “Berenstain Bears.” (Here’s another article, and another, and yet another, and here’s the boring attempt to explain the whole phenomenon, known as “The Mandela Effect” in which masses of people misremember things… But I’m telling you, the Bereinstein Bears were fucking called the Berenstein Bears).

This combines with the newly discovered revelation that Thurston Howell III from Gilligan’s Island did not, in fact, smoke cigars, despite my childhood memories that that man smoked at least one cigar an episode.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the kind of quality analytical investigation you can expect from this blog going forward.