By now I’m sure you’re familiar with the Mandela Effect — a theory which explains the phenomenon of “collective misremembrance” (or more directly, group delusion). This effect has been discussed a lot as of late, mostly surrounding the conspiracy theory that The Berenstein Bears have had their name changed at some point to The Berenstain Bears (for the record, it was Berenstein!!!!), and that the comedian Sinbad starred in a movie about a genie called Shazam in the 90’s.

The bottom line: all of these discussions center around the idea that at some point, we entered an alternate timeline where reality distorted juuuuuuust a little and all the things we clearly remember being right in our childhood are slightly off in this new reality. And I believe this theory 100%. Maybe that makes me a whackjob. Maybe I’m delusional. I’m willing to accept those realities, provided someone can give me proof that I’m wrong and making up the whole thing. I’ll even voluntarily commit myself.

But I will submit to you that we are, in fact, living in a timeline that is 1% off from core reality (or at least, my core reality, and the core reality of everyone who knows in their heart that 1. it was The Berenstein Bears, 2. Sinbad DID star in Kaazam in the 90’s, and 3. Donald Trump should not be President of the United States of America). I believe that this alternate timeline theory is legit, and it all started when CERN flipped on the Large Hadron Collider.

Think about it… Haven’t all the weird things been happening since about 2012? My theory is that’s when CERN created a micro black hole and BLINK! We got shifted into a timeline with only the smallest variances. Things like the title of childrens’ books and silly 90’s movies and whether or not leaders of incredibly important causes died in prison. You know, the trivial stuff.

But as the people from this new timeline and the people from the REAL timeline (that is, MY timeline) began to co-exist, the cognitive dissonance began to ripple. Like the Butterfly Effect, those ripples emanated out in waves that began changing small things from the moment they started, cultivating in a collective reality of Reality and Reality Prime people who, at some point, decided it was a good idea to listen to, elect and support an idiot in the White House (among many other things… Like $600 juice machines that basically squeeze a bag, and internet-connected lightbulbs that collectively take down internet service and dishwashers that hack hospitals).

So basically what I’m saying is, CERN is the reason we can’t have nice things.

WAY TO FUCKING GO, CERN.

(Also, this reality is fucking stupid and I hate it and I want off at the next event horizon, please.)

 

 

joepeacock

Much of what has been written about me remains true to this day, except that part about the one thing, you know what I'm talking about, don't pretend you don't

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