I’ve began using a new coping mechanism to get through my day. I’ve been playing this sound in my head every single time I hear someone say something stupid:


It’s not just any metal bat hitting any metal ball. This one in particular sounds like something exploded, like a skull, and mushy stuff flew out of it.

Silicon Valley asshole / Startup “Founder” / techie selling me on how their new app is going to “Make the world a better place through” and then inserting whatever boring concept everyone’s already had? Infinitely easier to suffer with that sound at the end.

Same goes with:

  • Some idiot practicing his (or her) bad British accent
  • Cops telling you why what you just did isn’t “technically” illegal but they could take you in anyway
  • Co-workers acting like they’re your boss
  • Any politician saying literally anything
  • Or, anything on CNN or Fox News at all?

Just play this sound at the end in your head. It makes life so much easier to deal with. You’re welcome.


Much of what has been written about me remains true to this day, except that part about the one thing, you know what I'm talking about, don't pretend you don't

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